So a little while ago I made a post about my anxiety and it actually felt really good to get it out in the open. Even if only a few read it I felt this relief when I finally uploaded that it was built up inside me anymore. Since then my anxiety has massively subsided and I have had some of the most fabulous few months stress and anxiety free! I'll tell more about it in this post along with how I'm feeling now as I am startng to become more anxious again; not nearly what I was like during my exams but I do feel this little anxiety gremlin creeping in.
For the benefit for anyone that is reading that hasn't read the other post I've had anxious patches for about 2 years now. They come and go, mainly in times of stress it starts to creep in and the BAM! I get REALLY anxious. My anxiety mainly manifests itself with feeling spaced out a lot and worrying... lots and lots of worrying. I worry about my mental health, I worry about my family and friends and worst of all I worry about worrying. Anxiety can you make you think very strange things that you wouldn't normally think when you are calm. These thoughts can be very strange and often very intrusive, and me being me these thoughts become very consuming when I'm anxious hence leading to the worrying.
I now more than ever before can say what makes me anxious. Previously it was extremely hard but now some circumstances really stand out as clear causes for anxiety. I have 3 big ones.
1. When I'm stressed about something- this can be a very immediate stress like a deadline or a more gradual one like exams (when I became SUPER stressed). At the moment I'm quite anxious about moving away to go to university.
2. When I'm not in a routine- I like to be in a routine but I also don't... it's strange I know. I like to have time off from school/uni but then again after a while the novelty almost wears off. I get bored and I'm doing my usual thing which can make me stressed and lead to the third thing.
3. When I'm alone a lot- I noticed at night and when I'm home alone a lot my anxiety tends to creep back. It's as if I'm lonely and the only company I need is this little anxiety gremlin. Being alone with just me and my thoughts allows me to mull things over and let my often very overactive imagination to run free making all of these worries.
Those are the big three that cause anxiety for me but I am gradually getting better and finding ways so that these situations don't happen.
Controlling my anxiety has been a big factor for me. I have learnt to sort of control it and at least now more than ever I can identify it. Previously I couldn't say what was wrong because I didn't know what it was but now I can say it's just anxiety and it'll go away just as it came. I have things that I do that I know tends to help me when I'm feeling anxious. For example for me colouring and drawing are massively beneficial as it draws my focus away from my anxious thoughts and into something else. I also make myself get out and about, whether it be going out with friends or family or even just going for a walk getting out the house and mainly talking to someone can really help even if it's not about how I'm feeling. I also try minimise the big three influence me.For example I've been off for a while now because of the summer holidays and now that the school are back but I'm not I tend to be alone in the house a lot. Trust me the novelty soon wears off. So now I get my mum to leave a list of jobs she wants doing b the time she gets home and that distracts me away from feeling anxious as i know I have something to do. I also like to go down to the local primary school where my mum actually works and volunteer there which has been really helpful in stopping me from becoming anxious again. Previously I would stay at home a lot and just feel sorry for myself which eventually just makes me worse and worse.
At the moment my anxiety is slowly creeping back as I prepare to move away from home to go to university. I know it will go away as soon as the stress is relieved i.e when I move into university but that's the most annoying thing about anxiety,even if you kind of know what's making you anxious it still plays on you no matter how many times you say "You'll be fine stop worrying" there'salways that little gremlin telling you otherwise. But it's ok. I know it's JUST anxiety and it WILL go away because it always does.
Sometimes you just need to tell your anxiety gremlin to fuck off.
Sorry it's a bit of a long and possibly boring one but I feel this kind of thing not only helps me but can also help others who not only are in a similar situation but also help other people to understand what it can be like for people with anxiety. The best thing we can all do is talk about stuff like this.
Lots of love
